Don’t you just love the absurdity and sheer denial that extrudes from Charlie Sheen’s brain? When you’re doubting yourself as a writer, take time to contemplate some of Charlie’s words of wisdom.
When you feel you’re not good enough:
“Yeah. I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen [/insert own name]. It’s not available because if you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”
When you’re worried about critics:
“I don’t have time for their judgement and their stupidity and, you know, they lay down with their ugly wives in front of their ugly children and look at their loser lives and then they look at me and they say, ‘I can’t process it’. Well, no, you never will. Stop trying, just sit back and enjoy the show. You know?”
When you doubt the power of the written word:
“I have defeated this earthworm with my words. Imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.”
Remember to write from experience:
“People say you have to work on your resentments. Yeah, no, I’m gonna hang onto them and they’re gonna fuel my attack.”
Remember, plagiarising makes you look like a dick:
“When friends asked me, Can we help? I’d say, Not unless you can alter time, speed up the harvest or teleport me off this rock. I used that line from Star Wars.”
If all else fails, use blind denial:
“The only thing I’m addicted to is winning. My success rate is 100 percent.”
And if you think being a writer is turning you insane, put a positive spin on it:
“I’m not bi-polar, I’m bi-winning!”
Happy writing/winning guys!